Reprogramming my Mind / End of 90-Day Journal

I was reading Paul's book today. He says there are basically 3 things that keep us from a normal weight.

1. Obsessive dieting
   
2. Emotional Eating
   
3. Faulty programming.

He was saying our minds are like a computer and that he could reprogram my mind ( with th CD) to easily follow the 4GRs, exercise and have a positive attitude, be happy, etc.
I must have really strongly wired or programmed by brain/computor. It is resisting reprogramming. It will be a long process, or perhaps not. Hopefully, Paul's program will find the password soon , and from there, my mind will accept reprogramming easier and faster.

I am at Day 90 of the Journal which I started June 1st. In three months I have lost 10 lbs. This year at my highest (in March) I weighed 235, today, I am at 221. To sum it up, in 5 months, I lost 14 lbs. I was hoping for more, but if I hadn't started the program, I would probably still be in the 230s.
About 5 years ago, I started on a weight loss journey. I was at my highest ever at 250lbs. In 3 years, I lost 38 lbs. My sister died, and I lost motivation and the lbs started creeping back up. So many times, I wanted to stop, but didn't. Even if I was eating to much, for all the wrong reasons, I always had at the back of my mind my nutrionnist who showed me a balanced approach to food. She taught me the principles of the food scale. She tried to get me to see the links between my emotions and the food. Without her, I would probably not have beleived Paul McKenna when his show aired. I am gratefull for the both of them.
Now I am 29lbs lighter than 5 years ago. I am starting to get in touch with myself and feeling better. 29lbs gone forever this time.
For others like me who don't lose fast, don't give up. Not everyone is the same. the younger people usually drop the pounds more easily than the over 50.

Tomorrow, I will start the Journal over again, wiith the intention of doing it better this time.

Many thoughts have been going through my mind lately. Trying to put them on paper (computor) is proving challenging. I'll just throw them in as they come along. Sorry if it confusing.

I haven't been following all the GRs properly. I have a feeling my body and my subconscious put me on hold - not to sabotage me, but to tell me I have other things weighing me down besides extra lbs.
The other day, I cleaned one kitchen drawer and trough out at least half of what was in it. Things I haven't used in years. I cleared the counter and cleaned it to. It felt liberating and I felt lighter. I have a house full of things I have been keeping, not being able to throw them out or giving them away. I should clear out a small spot everyday.

I have finally figured out that food hasn't been my biggest problem. But that is where my attention was focused when I tried to lose weight all the other times.

I think I finally truly understand that I am not on a diet. That food was never the problem, just a symptom. I don't usually eat very much (just too much for my level of activity) except when I fall into a bag of candy or chips.

I am carrying a load of emotions that I haven't been willing to deal with. Now, I am willing, but I am not sure how to go about it. I will find a way to do the mirror exercise. I will learn to be more self confident. I will use the tools Paul McKenna has given us (the Golden Rules, the CDs, the book, the journal and Forum) As I grow in self esteem, some problems will disapear, and the others I will be better equipped to handle.

My house is full of clutter that I don't know how to get rid of. It seems each time I am start clearing stuff, one of my daughters needs help and brings more stuff with her. When they leave, the momentum for cleaning is long gone. I joined Flylady http://www.flylady.net/ some years ago. She gives tips on keeping your house clean. She says anything can be done for 15 minutes. I should put her ideas into practice. It is like everything in my life, I get enthousiastic about something and then slide back into old bad habits.

I have a bunch of tv shows that I had taped on VHS. I have been wanting to transfer them to DVD. I want to do them perfectly, without the publicity. That means staying there while the DVD is being burned. So I haven't really started even though I have the DVD burner since more than a year now. Enough already. Just transfer the stuff as is, or get rid of the tapes. Good, a decision has been made :) I will start tomorrow, one tape at a time. It will feel real good to clear this away.

Right now my DH is redoing the floor in my youngest room. So all her stuff is in the basement family room. When finished, she will have a fantastic room. Marie-Jeanne wants the room done before she starts school next Tuesday, but it would be a miracle. My husband on his own.

I have all the tools I need to move forward. Signing on to a swimming class is good because of the exercise, but mostly because I now have a fixed appointment.

I guess I figured out that the weight in my head is the one that has to go first, the rest will follow.

Have a wonderfull day.